Monday, November 07, 2005
"I'm me/ me be/ god damn I am/ I can sing and/ hear me know me"
I've been at college for about two, two and a half months and I have my thoughts about it.
-you never have time to yourself: sometimes I just need to sit on the ground and relax, luckily for me my roommate is gone most weekends and sundays during the football games make great times to just be myself and recharge for the coming week. On that note, I haven't done any kind of meditation yet but I really want to try it sometime. I think it's something that would make me feel much better about myself.
-drinking is what college is about: beer is a rarity to see here, but hard liquor can be found in most dormroom fridges. Now I don't keep up with my kinds of alcoholic drinks and take some pride in that, but when you're offered a "screwdriver" it's a good idea to know what your being offered. I don't drink and except for the time I drank a bottle of perfume when I was three and when my dad offered me a sip of his beer when I was ten I never plan on it. Never, and I mean that So I guess I have the slightest experience with alcohol and have tasted it. I notice that most of my friends from high school began to drink over the summer, and to my disappointment so did my best friend when he went on a "camping" trip up to the boundary waters (a week of catching fish and smelling like shit, no thanks). I was lucky enough to find an excellent group of people here that don't drink either. Maybe I'll introduce them one of these times.
-girls care way too much about things guys couldn't give a rat's ass about: color coordination, calorie intake, shaved legs, how they look. Now I know there's a difference between not caring how you look and not caring how you are but I really could care less how somebody physically is...ok that's a lie and almost everybody you know will lie about that. If you are going to be attracted to somebody you need to like them both mentally and physically, or so says the paper I read recently, and it makes sense to me, so I'm going with it. I care how I look to an extent, and I like to think that is a very minor extent, but currently my hair seems to be a concern and people around me notice that I seem fixated on it. I'm still mad about the haircut I got and am trying to fix it even a month afterwards. I don't like it but it not a huge concern of mine. I see people watching their weigh and making sure they don't eat too much. I haven't had three meals the last two days and my stomach is killing me, and I'm probably eating more then them. I suppose what I'm trying to say here is that there is a difference between healthy weight watching and an illness.
-you are on your own: this might just be more of a problem for me. I don't like getting help from other people for things that directly concern my future or my wellbeing for that matter. I have never meet with a counselor for any kind of help and it's something I should do. They are there to help me. I think it all comes back to the subbornness. "I don't need help. I can figure it all out by myself" with contradicts with "I'm lazy and I'm not going to do anything". I could go into more detail about this but why.
-The Scorcho
So I've realized that I haven't posted anything on here for a few months and with good reason: I don't feel like it. When I have time to myself I play games or surf around the internet. I waste time like none other, and it pisses me off everyday. The day ends and I realize that I have gotten absolutely nothing done today. Now that's ok once in a while but it's almost habitual now. I feel like I could be doing something that would be a greater benefit in the future (studying, working on an invention...) I don't know why it always comes to this but I do have some ideas on why:
-I'm lazy
That's all I got. So I guess I'm lazy. Damn.
-The Scorcho
I remember back when I was in first grade that we would play a game where you would try to jump across two jump ropes that got farther and farther apart each time. I was often one of the last three of four to remain left. I think this is where I started to feel that I should always win at things. This continued for many years as I continued to play games like capture the flag or pin-bomb-bardament though-out school. I never realized how stubborn I was as a child and looking back on it, I hate how I was. I recall one time where I had clearly gotten out, I believe it was pin-bomb-bardament and I just would not stop and get out of the game. I would argue with everybody, the supervisior, my teammates.
Anyways that's my looking back for the day. I'm still extremely sore from when I lifted weights last wednesday, maybe I'll be better tomorrow (sunday). I finally went out on the boat yesterday and went wakeboarding (while sore) and took a few pictures with my digital camera. I went out today as well. It seems to me that I always try to keep my shirt on while out on the lake but could care less if I take it out in a field. Something about the water makes it feel hotter, and I try not to get sunburn. I despise the idea of sunscreen, the stuff is oily and I would have to shower before I ever did anything afterwards, so I try to stay away from the stuff.
-The Scorcho
-you never have time to yourself: sometimes I just need to sit on the ground and relax, luckily for me my roommate is gone most weekends and sundays during the football games make great times to just be myself and recharge for the coming week. On that note, I haven't done any kind of meditation yet but I really want to try it sometime. I think it's something that would make me feel much better about myself.
-drinking is what college is about: beer is a rarity to see here, but hard liquor can be found in most dormroom fridges. Now I don't keep up with my kinds of alcoholic drinks and take some pride in that, but when you're offered a "screwdriver" it's a good idea to know what your being offered. I don't drink and except for the time I drank a bottle of perfume when I was three and when my dad offered me a sip of his beer when I was ten I never plan on it. Never, and I mean that So I guess I have the slightest experience with alcohol and have tasted it. I notice that most of my friends from high school began to drink over the summer, and to my disappointment so did my best friend when he went on a "camping" trip up to the boundary waters (a week of catching fish and smelling like shit, no thanks). I was lucky enough to find an excellent group of people here that don't drink either. Maybe I'll introduce them one of these times.
-girls care way too much about things guys couldn't give a rat's ass about: color coordination, calorie intake, shaved legs, how they look. Now I know there's a difference between not caring how you look and not caring how you are but I really could care less how somebody physically is...ok that's a lie and almost everybody you know will lie about that. If you are going to be attracted to somebody you need to like them both mentally and physically, or so says the paper I read recently, and it makes sense to me, so I'm going with it. I care how I look to an extent, and I like to think that is a very minor extent, but currently my hair seems to be a concern and people around me notice that I seem fixated on it. I'm still mad about the haircut I got and am trying to fix it even a month afterwards. I don't like it but it not a huge concern of mine. I see people watching their weigh and making sure they don't eat too much. I haven't had three meals the last two days and my stomach is killing me, and I'm probably eating more then them. I suppose what I'm trying to say here is that there is a difference between healthy weight watching and an illness.
-you are on your own: this might just be more of a problem for me. I don't like getting help from other people for things that directly concern my future or my wellbeing for that matter. I have never meet with a counselor for any kind of help and it's something I should do. They are there to help me. I think it all comes back to the subbornness. "I don't need help. I can figure it all out by myself" with contradicts with "I'm lazy and I'm not going to do anything". I could go into more detail about this but why.
-The Scorcho
So I've realized that I haven't posted anything on here for a few months and with good reason: I don't feel like it. When I have time to myself I play games or surf around the internet. I waste time like none other, and it pisses me off everyday. The day ends and I realize that I have gotten absolutely nothing done today. Now that's ok once in a while but it's almost habitual now. I feel like I could be doing something that would be a greater benefit in the future (studying, working on an invention...) I don't know why it always comes to this but I do have some ideas on why:
-I'm lazy
That's all I got. So I guess I'm lazy. Damn.
-The Scorcho
I remember back when I was in first grade that we would play a game where you would try to jump across two jump ropes that got farther and farther apart each time. I was often one of the last three of four to remain left. I think this is where I started to feel that I should always win at things. This continued for many years as I continued to play games like capture the flag or pin-bomb-bardament though-out school. I never realized how stubborn I was as a child and looking back on it, I hate how I was. I recall one time where I had clearly gotten out, I believe it was pin-bomb-bardament and I just would not stop and get out of the game. I would argue with everybody, the supervisior, my teammates.
Anyways that's my looking back for the day. I'm still extremely sore from when I lifted weights last wednesday, maybe I'll be better tomorrow (sunday). I finally went out on the boat yesterday and went wakeboarding (while sore) and took a few pictures with my digital camera. I went out today as well. It seems to me that I always try to keep my shirt on while out on the lake but could care less if I take it out in a field. Something about the water makes it feel hotter, and I try not to get sunburn. I despise the idea of sunscreen, the stuff is oily and I would have to shower before I ever did anything afterwards, so I try to stay away from the stuff.
-The Scorcho
The Scorcho 12:31 AM