"Dear Daddy, I write you in spite of years of silence"

House of Leaves.
I finished it. If you can finish this book.
It's more of an experience that anything else.
I think I need to reread it, but I can't. I lent it to my friend to read. God, I hope he
finishes soon...even though I gave it to him earlier today.
A book about a book about a documentary of a house and the inhabitants in it, that does not exist , or at least can't be found anywhere...crazy.
I can't find the words to explain this, and I have trouble not thinking about it. Gah!
Deep book and is definately worth a read if you have the time to get lost in it and then obsess over it for a while afterwards.

Oh, the house thing; part of the book, nobody really knows why but the word "house" is always in blue, wierd...right?

Well I choose this for the blue thing but it's a great song in itself.

"Blast Off", an unreleased song on an unreleased album, which we all hope will one day see the light of day.

I haven't met many homosexuals since moving to college and I guess it feels a little wierd. The only ones I know of is the guy that helped me move in and somebody in my dorm. Back home I would often find half my lunch table were homosexual or transgender (pre-op). They were really nice people to hang out with and were in a lot of my classes so I knew them pretty well but I never really felt that I could get to be as close to them as they were with each other, because I was never in the same kind of situation as they were.

You know what sucks? Chemistry lab. Luckily there are only two more left. Yay.

*Do you ever try to make AIM conversations more like really ones? I do. Doesn't work all that great but I try to put some of my quirkiness into electronic form and it works sometimes. Okay well I'm off to read my new book: House of Leaves, which you will hear about.

*Random Tangent (bound to be many more to come)

"Pink Triangle", off of their second/best album Pinkerton. About Rivers' crush on a girl he finds out is a lesbian. One of the first songs he wrote at Harvard.

Well I have a little time to kill but I should start reading "House of Leaves" so here I am. I don't want to talk about anything to important so we'll go with the new friends topic.

I'm going to go in cronological order or at least try

• Jacob: He's my roommate so of course he's one of the first people I met. I actually met him before starting school; when I came for orientation he was in my group so we got to see each other before having to move in together. I was nice to find out about him, and since we never really talked since then until actually getting to college it gave us time to figure out who was bringing what. Jacob is in ROTC, so he's up at six almost every morning. I feel bad for him because I don't know if he gets any sleep (maybe six hours a night but he takes naps so I think he's doing fine).

First week or so I had a small group just in my hallway and we got along fine. All of them drank so I pretty much stayed away when Friday and Saturday nights came around, which meant that I was in my room doing nothing.

• Wilson: Like the volleyball from Castaway...not literally of course. Wilson lives right next door and has quite the personality. He has a decent computer and games galore, so we LANed a lot of games at the beginning of school.
• David: Down four doors, about the same as Wilson but I helped him steal a couch from the basement...shhh
  
• Craig: Guitar god. Yup, if this guy doesn't make it in the entertainment business I'll be suprised. If you every see him ask him to play Eruption by Val Halen and then stand back.
  
• Greg: Lovable drunk.

Soon I expanded, started looking for people that I could hang out with on Fridays and Saturdays while the group got drunk and found a decent group of people that I could connect with. Mainly people would just meet in the den and play games and watch movies and that was just fine with me.

• Paula: Pretty much the closest girl to me, geographically. Also she's half-japanese...oohh. (see italics at the end if you don't understand this)
  
• Katie: At the end of the short girls' hall.
  
• Eric: Roommates with David. Good guy in general, we often having staring contest out of the blue.
  
• Kelsey: Mormons! She knows alot of Mormons. Probably the geekiest girl I know, which is so cool.
  
• Brian: I saw Brian many times before I actually started to know him as something besides "hall boy" because he was always in the hall. He's a little quiet at first which is the same as me but once you get to know him he's one of the funniest guys you'll know.
  
• Rocio: Lives at the end of the long girls' hall. Is from Eden Praire. EP sucks!!!! I didn't really know here well either until I started hanging out with them and by that time I believe she and Eric had something going on.
  
• Ariel: Crazy, from the same town as me but went to a different high school.
  
• Rachel: Roommates with Rocio. Tall would be a good way to describe her in one word.
  
• Katrina: I didn't really know her until after she dyed her hair red with Kelsey so I don't know what color her hair is supposed to be. I hid candy in her room, she didn't see if Brian and I wanted to go to dinner. There's a story there, maybe another time.

Rivers, weezer's singer, has a thing for half-japanese girls and wrote a song pretty much saying that called "El Scorcho" so everytime I hear Paula talking about her heritage it reminds me of the song which kicks ass...Can I say that on here? Ass? I guess so.

This is more of a notice about the headings that you will see on my blog. They are lyrics from a band called Weezer. You should go buy all their CDs now!!!

I have an unhealthy obsession with weezer so you may be seeing alot of them around here.

At the end of each blog I may tell what song the heading is from or try to explain the lyric in some way.

From what my friends told me wrestling with Jimmy was a euphemism for masterbation but once I read "Rivers' Edge" I discovered that Rivers had a brother named Jimmy, stupid friends.

Say It Ain't So

How many times have you actually had to make a life changing decision? Once, twice, maybe, lucky you. I have set far too many plans for my life that I will never meet, ideas that will never meet their fruition as anything more than a waste of time.

• The video game that I had worked on for some months a few years ago over the summer. What a game it was. It had everything a good game needed except a way for me to realize it. Somehow I had hoped that I could get into the video game industry at the age of 16 with a simple idea for a RPG (role playing game). I thought it was good at the time and I still think it has potential but I can't do anything with it for sometime...also I forget where I put it.
• For a very small time I played with the idea with being something of an artist, with words and stories, ie. comic book artist, which is wierd because I have yet to read one.
  
• I don't know how many times I have started to write a book, but it's far too many to count. Earlier this week I started one about my college life (which has been pretty dramatic, althought nobody would ever know it) and have the first ten chapters planned out for writing, so we'll see how that goes but it's looking like I have enough to work with to make something work.
  
• Guitar was a middle-school fancy of mine but after failing a few times it was very easy to get hung up on the failure. I still play guitar from time to time and like it but I'm not skilled enough to make anything of it.
  
• After realizing that I wasn't nearly good enough to play guitar in any kind of band I looked to something I did have some experience in - singing. I have taken choir in middle school so I knew that I was able to sing but that doesn't mean I was cut out for it. The way I saw it was that as a singer you share a large part of your life in your singing which I don't think I could handle, so there went that option.
  
• Everyone is told that if they really try at something they will succeed, but that's crap. Sports are for a small perecentage of the population that has the physical build and lucky chance to make it in the world of sports. I thought maybe I was able to make it in a sport, but as luck has it, I was not.
• I have come up with several inventions and a board game that could have made it if I had only been a few month quicker with my ideas: scented toilet paper, a singing toothbrush to name a few.
  

Looking back on these things I see a pattern: the easy way out. I don't want a white or blue collar job. I don't want to work in a cubicle for the rest of my life. I want to travel around the world and experience everything that I can, but I can't do that if I have to work five days a week. Starting my own business is something I have thought about and almost pursued exclusively upon being accepted to Babson College, an entrepreneuring school by Boston. I've reconsidered this option after dealing with my Engineering 160 class here. God, I hate it.

AIM is one of the greatest tools of all time, or maybe trillian. I hated AOL and everything about with a passion since it started, back about 6-7 years ago, but since I have started using AIM I don't ahte it nearly as much and I get to keep in contact with people from high school, Nam Nguyen being who I talk to the most. I find this wierd since I never did anything with him outside of school so we weren't that close but I guess having five classes together will do that to you. Here are a few of our conversations:

[15:14] Nammer 99: i ordered a zippo online thought
[15:14] Nammer 99: *though
[15:14] burndtscorcho86: what's that
[15:14] Nammer 99: a lighter
[15:14] Nammer 99: a very shiny lighter
[15:14] burndtscorcho86: and you got that why?
[15:15] Nammer 99: math
[15:15] burndtscorcho86: you need a lighter for math
[15:15] Nammer 99: i need a lighter because of math
[15:15] burndtscorcho86: to burn your bad grades
[15:15] burndtscorcho86: cuz I don't approve of you smiking
[15:15] Nammer 99: grades...teachers...whatever
[15:15] burndtscorcho86: *smoking
[15:15] Nammer 99: i don't approve of smiking either
[15:16] Nammer 99: it sounds dirty
[15:16] burndtscorcho86: smile+liking=smiking
[15:16] burndtscorcho86: dirty indeed
[15:17] burndtscorcho86: so what sports are you doing
[15:17] Nammer 99: *cough*retard*cough*
[15:17] burndtscorcho86: you should get that checked out
[15:17] Nammer 99: i'm going to take bowling for gym next semester
[15:17] burndtscorcho86: lol
[15:18] Nammer 99: i have to learn how to swim this one
[15:18] burndtscorcho86: you don't know?
[15:18] Nammer 99: nope, see you could have lowered all the curves in high school just by pushing me in a little water
[15:19] burndtscorcho86: gah, if only I had known your weakness


[02:14] burndtscorcho86: update your version
[02:15] Nammer 99: update your ass
[02:15] burndtscorcho86: why
[02:15] burndtscorcho86: don't get mad at me b/c your version sucks
[02:17] Nammer 99: don't tell me how to feel
[02:17] Nammer 99: you don't own me
[02:17] burndtscorcho86: but youre a robot
[02:17] Nammer 99: okay, that was just dumb
[02:17] burndtscorcho86: so in a way I am your father
[02:17] Nammer 99: and it just got worst
[02:17] Nammer 99: idiot
[02:18] burndtscorcho86: dont talk to your father that way
[02:18] burndtscorcho86: and get off your lazy ass and get a job
[02:18] Nammer 99: okay, i'm going to block you now
[02:18] burndtscorcho86: when I was your age I had three jobs and walked uphill to and from all of them
[02:19] burndtscorcho86: k sorry done
[02:19] burndtscorcho86: I'll let you get to sleep
[02:20] Nammer 99: i'm still not sleepy
[02:20] Nammer 99: i swear, there is a ridiculoius amount of caffine in mountain dew
[02:20] burndtscorcho86: I don't care it's past your bedtime mister
[02:20] burndtscorcho86: loll
[02:21] burndtscorcho86: right then
[02:21] Nammer 99: right
[02:22] burndtscorcho86: no we took a left at the last right so we want to turn left here
[02:22] burndtscorcho86: crap
[02:22] burndtscorcho86: brain fart
[02:22] burndtscorcho86: :(|)
[02:22] Nammer 99: seriously, someone must have dropped you as a child
[02:23] burndtscorcho86: yeah down the stairs, didn't I tell you
[02:24] burndtscorcho86: or maye that was the whole fell down the stairs with a pen in his mouth thing
[02:24] burndtscorcho86: *maybe
[02:24] Nammer 99: lalalalalalalalalalalalala, i'm ignoring you, i don't hear anything
[02:25] burndtscorcho86: you think Im joking
[02:25] burndtscorcho86: back when I lived im Minneapolis
[02:26] burndtscorcho86: and of course you don't hear anything I'm writing to you
[02:26] Nammer 99: shut up
[02:26] burndtscorcho86: ha i win
[02:26] Nammer 99: just do it
[02:26] burndtscorcho86: what
[02:27] burndtscorcho86: is it
[02:28] Nammer 99: you are driving me insane
[02:28] Nammer 99: seriously, its like, i can't think strait, i don't need you being all weird
[02:29] burndtscorcho86: lol
[02:29] burndtscorcho86: k well next time we'll have a serious discussion

I know these are long and take up alot of room but I find them very amusing when I'm bored and really this is the only time I get to be like myself. I don't think the people I hang out with are quite ready to experience me when I'm not contained somehow. I've been told I have a very dry sense in humor...opposed to a wet one, I guess, but I am a very wierd person when I'm in the mood. Usually it's just tons of very odd references that don't make any sense unless you are me, even if you know what the reference is.

I've been at college for about two, two and a half months and I have my thoughts about it.

-you never have time to yourself: sometimes I just need to sit on the ground and relax, luckily for me my roommate is gone most weekends and sundays during the football games make great times to just be myself and recharge for the coming week. On that note, I haven't done any kind of meditation yet but I really want to try it sometime. I think it's something that would make me feel much better about myself.

-drinking is what college is about: beer is a rarity to see here, but hard liquor can be found in most dormroom fridges. Now I don't keep up with my kinds of alcoholic drinks and take some pride in that, but when you're offered a "screwdriver" it's a good idea to know what your being offered. I don't drink and except for the time I drank a bottle of perfume when I was three and when my dad offered me a sip of his beer when I was ten I never plan on it. Never, and I mean that So I guess I have the slightest experience with alcohol and have tasted it. I notice that most of my friends from high school began to drink over the summer, and to my disappointment so did my best friend when he went on a "camping" trip up to the boundary waters (a week of catching fish and smelling like shit, no thanks). I was lucky enough to find an excellent group of people here that don't drink either. Maybe I'll introduce them one of these times.

-girls care way too much about things guys couldn't give a rat's ass about: color coordination, calorie intake, shaved legs, how they look. Now I know there's a difference between not caring how you look and not caring how you are but I really could care less how somebody physically is...ok that's a lie and almost everybody you know will lie about that. If you are going to be attracted to somebody you need to like them both mentally and physically, or so says the paper I read recently, and it makes sense to me, so I'm going with it. I care how I look to an extent, and I like to think that is a very minor extent, but currently my hair seems to be a concern and people around me notice that I seem fixated on it. I'm still mad about the haircut I got and am trying to fix it even a month afterwards. I don't like it but it not a huge concern of mine. I see people watching their weigh and making sure they don't eat too much. I haven't had three meals the last two days and my stomach is killing me, and I'm probably eating more then them. I suppose what I'm trying to say here is that there is a difference between healthy weight watching and an illness.

-you are on your own: this might just be more of a problem for me. I don't like getting help from other people for things that directly concern my future or my wellbeing for that matter. I have never meet with a counselor for any kind of help and it's something I should do. They are there to help me. I think it all comes back to the subbornness. "I don't need help. I can figure it all out by myself" with contradicts with "I'm lazy and I'm not going to do anything". I could go into more detail about this but why.

-The Scorcho

So I've realized that I haven't posted anything on here for a few months and with good reason: I don't feel like it. When I have time to myself I play games or surf around the internet. I waste time like none other, and it pisses me off everyday. The day ends and I realize that I have gotten absolutely nothing done today. Now that's ok once in a while but it's almost habitual now. I feel like I could be doing something that would be a greater benefit in the future (studying, working on an invention...) I don't know why it always comes to this but I do have some ideas on why:
-I'm lazy

That's all I got. So I guess I'm lazy. Damn.

-The Scorcho

I remember back when I was in first grade that we would play a game where you would try to jump across two jump ropes that got farther and farther apart each time. I was often one of the last three of four to remain left. I think this is where I started to feel that I should always win at things. This continued for many years as I continued to play games like capture the flag or pin-bomb-bardament though-out school. I never realized how stubborn I was as a child and looking back on it, I hate how I was. I recall one time where I had clearly gotten out, I believe it was pin-bomb-bardament and I just would not stop and get out of the game. I would argue with everybody, the supervisior, my teammates.

Anyways that's my looking back for the day. I'm still extremely sore from when I lifted weights last wednesday, maybe I'll be better tomorrow (sunday). I finally went out on the boat yesterday and went wakeboarding (while sore) and took a few pictures with my digital camera. I went out today as well. It seems to me that I always try to keep my shirt on while out on the lake but could care less if I take it out in a field. Something about the water makes it feel hotter, and I try not to get sunburn. I despise the idea of sunscreen, the stuff is oily and I would have to shower before I ever did anything afterwards, so I try to stay away from the stuff.

-The Scorcho

Well I'm moving my blog from livejournal.com because I don't like it anymore.

I will be moving some of my old posts from there here.